Perspective

I wasn't sure how to start a post describing the decision to pull out of the Umstead 100 Mile Run.  I knew it had to include struggle, since I felt that really described my last four weeks.   I thought of the typical images of trying to climb mountains and pushing  and dreaming, but nothing seemed right, so I scrolled through some pictures on images.google.com  and this one stopped me in my tracks:

Right beside the many other images of struggling runners, climbers, bikers, and other athletes, this picture appeared as if to say, "Not having the ability to sit up is a struggle.  Needing help with feeding, dressing, living, that is a  struggle.  Being able to train to run 100 miles through the woods, whatever the outcome,  is a gift.  Be thankful everyday that you had the experience to try, and can try again." 

Nothing More to Say...

Hi Blake

Well, after 7 months of training, I tore my meniscus 4 weeks ago, and even though I tried everything, it hasn't been cooperating, and I will have to DNS for the 100.   I am sure you get more than a few of these e-mails, but it sure sucks having to write one!  I'll try again next year if I get my knee squared away, but for now, wish you great success for the race.  

Carole   That is truly bad luck this close to the Race. I hope the knee heals well and you can come run with us in 2014. I know it is disappointing but there is next year and the finish will be all the sweeter. Thanks for letting us know your status.  Best regards  Blake

I can almost see itThat dream I am dreamingBut there's a voice inside my head saying"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm takingEvery move I make feelsLost with no directionMy faith is shaking
But I gotta keep tryingGotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountainI'm always gonna wanna make it moveAlways gonna be a uphill battleSometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get thereAin't about what's waiting on the other sideIt's the climb
The struggles I'm facingThe chances I'm takingSometimes might knock me downBut no, I'm not breaking
I may not know itBut these are the moments thatI'm gonna remember most, yeahJust gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strongJust keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountainI'm always gonna wanna make it moveAlways gonna be a uphill battleSometimes I'm gonna have to lose...

Cautious...But Hopeful!

After three weeks of a modified schedule, I have actually nailed it this week - of course, so far, that has only consisted of one 6 mile run...but that felt so good!!!

 I knew I was healing, both mentally and physically, but that run did more for my confidence than any words the doctor could have spoken.  And when I did finally see the doc, he had more good news...nothing joint related, nothing sprained, strained, or torn.  My MRI did show a very small tear of the meniscus, but he was quick to point out that if 100 random people at the grocery store had MRIs, at least 40% of the "over 40 population" would have similar tears.  (And I am well past that age!)
Great article here:
 http://www.howardluksmd.com/sports-medicine/meniscus-tears-why-surgery-isnt-always-necessary/
He was not concerned.  My tear could have become angry at all the miles I was piling on, and that could have been the reason for the strange twinges I was getting.  (I love that we both refer to my knee as if it has it's own mind, which I guess it kind of does...)
Anyway, he gave me the news I wanted..."Go ahead and run if it feels okay, you will know when it is time to stop."  And seeing how each day it feels more and more "normal", I guess that is what I will do.  I have only one more thing on my schedule, and that is the HAT 50K.  I intend to go, listen to my knee, and test the waters.  If I make it to the end, that will be the icing on the cake to make Umstead a reality. If I have to bail early, that is still okay, because I will have "done nothing stupid."  And with two additional rest weeks, I am feeling pretty optimistic that, despite the detour, I will get to where I want to be.

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ― Thomas A. Edison

Day By Day

Yes, its true, I really DO feel like this.  I have gone back and forth over the last week and a half, wondering what I have gotten myself into, wondering how could I possibly have developed an unexplained knee pain just 5 weeks out, and most of all, wondering if I am even nearly trained enough to finish a 100 mile run.  

To that last question, I don't know if anyone ever feels that they have trained enough.  But the good news is that after one week of no running, I was able to do a 4 and then a 6 miler pain free.  The bad news is that my knee just isn't quite right.  That led me to an orthopedic sports doc, which then led me to an x-ray, which led me to an MRI, which leads me to now.  Anyone who runs knows this drill...and the search for the answer we all want..."Yes, you have (fill in the blank here)  but YES!  You can still run!" Cue the Hallelujah chorus!  I may or may not get that answer, but I haven't resigned myself to the fact that my long journey to Umstead might have to end a short three weeks before the race.   Through all the training miles, the snow, ice, wind, mud, stomach aches, face treatments, cold, cold and more cold, I never thought I would get so close to only be so far away from my goal.  But for now, I am still holding on, and desperately hoping that my MRI is clear and I  can finish what I started.

Seriously???

Yup, that is EXACTLY what I said on Saturday when I woke through the night with a sore knee....Well, it wasn't EXACTLY what I said, but you get the idea.  I had an amazingly good run on Wednesday, and then decided to do the 20 miler on Friday since I knew I would be working at the Book Fair all day on Saturday.  And to further simulate a "tired" run, I worked until mid afternoon Friday and didn't leave for my 20 until 3 p.m.  That would be good though-  it would force me to run after being on my feet for hours and then I would even get the chance to run for a bit in the dark (well, dusk).  It turned out to be a good run.  I was tired, and got cold toward the end, but I felt strong, and even burst through the door shouting "I just knocked off another 20 miler" to no one in particular.
But through the night, I knew my knee was not happy.

I iced it and even wore compression socks to work at the Book Fair on Saturday.  It was a long day, and I was busy and running around from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.  It was easy to ignore the ache in my knee, but I sure felt it when I got home.  More ice, some advil, elevation, all that good stuff.
Sunday, when it wasn't magically better, I enlisted the advice of Coach to put things in perspective.  After discussing all the symptoms, we diagnosed it to be overuse.  Along with ice, and advil, I have now added REST to my regime.  Yes, rest.  Less than 5 weeks before I attempt to do a 100 mile run, and I can't run, at least not for now.
Luckily though, (if there is anything "lucky" about this), I have time to heal, and pick up with my schedule, which no doubt will be modified!!   And while I am feeling much better everyday, you can bet I am heeding Coach's wisdom and his threat to abdicate his role of "Coach" if I run before the all clear.  I knew this journey would be full of challenges.  I am up for the challenges, I just hope my knee is on board as well!

A Very Special Race

Hashawha Hills 50K will always be special to me for a number of reasons.  It was Hashawha where I took my first trail run on a day with so much ice, I shudder when I remember it now.  Hashawha was where I learned to run trails...where I learned of a special band of friends and trail runners who even took their name from the relentless hills, together "lovingly" called "the Evil Sisters."  Hashawha is where Beth taught me not to be afraid, Chris taught me to run straight through streams, Pam taught me how to "chop-chop" down hills and Coach Alan taught me not to be a sissy with pithy advice like, "it takes more energy to try and run around mud than to run through it" and "its not if you will fall, but when, and how bad." But he always ended every run with "Did you have fun?" and I could honestly say "YES!"  And four years ago, it was at the Hashawha Hills 50K where I ran my first ultra.  I had no intention of becoming a trail runner, let alone an ultra runner.  But that is what Hashawha did to me.  The peaceful beauty of the trail wrapped itself around me and called me in.

Each of the last three HH50's I have become faster, from 7:35 on my first finish to a 50K PR of 6:45 last year.  But years and times can't be compared, because the trail holds all the power.  Weather, footing and training change, and what looks like the same trail can turn into a completely different run.  I like that.  It is what makes trail running magical.  The first loop this year was an icy, frozen, horse print filled trail, with numbing stream crossings and slick road sections.  I did my best to run steady, controlled, and even then, I slipped more than once.  I felt good coming through the mid way aid station, and headed back out looking for more of the same, but was treated to a kinder, gentler trail for the first few miles.  The earth had softened, the mist had let up, and the untreated roads were now dotted with puddles rather than ice.  Ahhh. This was nice.  Then, the out and back to the rubber bands.  Slipping, sliding, down through the stream, and using my hands to get back up on the bank.  More running, more sinking, more rinsing and repeating.  Then the fields; the first time through, they were hard, unforgiving clumps of grass and corncobs.  Now they were soft, mushy and refreshingly pleasant.

Another stream crossing, inches of mud, a few more climbs, the little log cabin, and then my favorite part - the pines.  I can vividly remember the first time running through them years ago...how they smelled so good, how soft the needles were underfoot...how they were lined up in perfect rows.  It was a short section, but it signaled the end of the race, so near the finish.  With mostly downhill now, I could take off, and run faster than I had in a while.

Down the hill and through to the finish.  I probably tried to run too fast, since I was out of breath and panting coming in.  I wasn't prepared for the muddy grass at the end, and it took everything I had not to go flying as I came around the corner. But I crossed the line, and received my third beautiful clay mug from the inspiring race director, who just happens to be the original "Evil Sister".  As much as I love Hashawha, I may stop at 4 so I can become one of the amazing volunteers who make this a wonderful memory more than just a race!

Thank you, Hashawha!

Ahead with Running...Behind with Life

In the last 7 days, I have run 76 miles.  That might help explain why I still have winter decorations out at my house.  At least the Christmas stuff  has been put away (okay, not put away, but at least its in the basement!!).  I was feeling pretty guilty about all the snowmen, especially as the temperature hovered near 60 today.  Luckily though, another blast of Arctic air is expected tonight and we may even get snow tomorrow.  Whew, that was close!  It also explains why I went out today for a 20 mile run, even though it was technically a "rest" day.  How can anyone pass up the chance to knock off a long run on a day as glorious as this???  The first 15 miles I did on the road, but just had to jump on the trail for the remaining 5.  I haven't been on this reservoir trail for a while and it sure has taken a beating this winter.  The erosion was wicked and the blow downs were everywhere.  Not sure if the county/city will come in at some point and clean it up, but it did make for a pretty adventurous obstacle course.  I know I probably spent way too much time out there, but boy, did it feel good!  I even shared the trail with bugs - a sure sign of spring!  Now I can look forward to NOT bundling up for a long run tomorrow...heck, I might even get those snowmen down after all!