"If you are sick to your stomach, there is nothing to be gained by dropping. Sit in the AS and have people warm you up, drink ginger ale, get some ginger, relax, and don't drop until they make you. You will feel better and you will be able to start up again."
And as usual, he is right. Because now on Tuesday, I feel perfectly fine - no pain, no blisters, no muscle soreness. Just a lingering regret at having stopped. Damn. At the time though, it was such a hard call. 50 miles down, with the last 12 spent stepping off the trail to puke against a tree. But once I was back at base camp, once I sat down, I didn't get sick again. I was cold, I was tired, but I didn't get sick - not once. Had I listened to my knowledgeable crew chief, Pam, I would have layed down, got warm and after a time, probably been able to soldier on.
The day started fine. I was up at 3:30, out the door at 5 and happy to start in the cold darkness. Everyone was in such a nervous but happy mood. The rhythm of the run soon overtook me and I just went. Airport spur, trail, half way aid station. I didn't really remember much from last year, or it looked different, because we were back at the start so quickly. I looked but didn't see my gear, so I simply went back out again. There was nothing I needed, I felt fine. I stopped at the aid station to grab some food, pb and j, some pepsi, and headed off. By now the sun was up and while it was not warm yet, it was comfortable in my jacket and vest. I wasn't going fast, just running comfortably and enjoying the journey so much. At about the 7 mile mark (19 miles in) I felt like my legs were sluggish and reminded myself to take advil before the next loop. I know, I know, advil is bad, bad, bad, but the cold really does make my muscles tense up and just 400 mg really helps with that. Not even a therapeutic dose really. The next time through, I was able to get to my gear and grab what I needed. I had eaten the pb and j, some pretzels and now I grabbed a quarter of a turkey sandwich and my protein shake. As I headed out again, someone snapped my picture and said, "wow, you sure look like you've gotten a second wind" because of how well I was running." That whole third loop I felt great. I didn't drink all the shake, maybe about 1/3 before I left it in an aid station trash can. I did finish the sandwich. Again, nothing to alert me of the disaster ahead.
Starting the 4th loop, I grabbed a very small amount of mountain dew. I have taken this before in races, in very small doses. I also had to take some thyroid meds, so did that while I changed my shoes and socks. I was having no problems with my feet at all, but my socks were getting damp, and I wanted to head off any issues. The body glide seemed to work wonders. I put on my Hokas, and left my Asics to dry out in case I wanted them for Lap 5. After 5 minutes or so I was on my way again. I got about 1 mile down the road when I started to feel so sick. It was sudden and powerful, and I barely made it off the trail before I began throwing up. Dry heaves at first and then all the contents of my stomach. Yuk. I stood there stunned for a moment and then turned to go back to the start and my crew. But getting sick had actually made me feel better than I had been feeling, so I turned again and continued on. I still felt a little off, but no different than I have felt before in races and I figured it would eventually pass. And it did...for a little while. But every two or three miles, I would get the urge to be sick, and I did get sick, and the feeling would be gone. I was trying to take water, and sucked on ginger, both which seemed to help, but by the time I got to the 7 mile aid station, (about 45 miles in) I needed to sit down -a combination of actually getting sick and not keeping any fluids down. The volunteers were wonderful. They suggested chicken broth, which I drank and after talking myself into getting up, I actually started to feel better as I headed out for the 5 miles to the start/finish loop area. This 5 miles is quite hilly, and it seemed very long. But I made progress and got back to my crew.
I had alerted them by text back at the aid station that I was having trouble. I was on the fence about continuing but with the broth and a moment to sit down, I did really feel better. Once back though, and again sitting, I didn't want to get up. My stomach now hurt from the violence of my heaving and I was so cold from the slow pace of the last few miles. The night was going to be one of the coldest on record (23 degrees) and the thought of continuing seemed impossible.
I did listen and did not drop right away. I tried to envision continuing, but in that moment, all I knew was I was so warm and not throwing up and I just wanted to bury myself under a blanket in my chair. And I did. The decision was made.
The WRONG decision I now know. Because this was the year I should have finished. I was well trained and had put in the hours on the roads and trails. I had survived a very cold winter and obstacles at every turn at work. I had made my way through personal stuff that could very well have drained the life from me. How can I be so tough...and then not tough enough??
But, its over now and I am left to think about what is next, much like last year at this time. I made it then and I'll make it now. And I'll never stop trying for that elusive 100.
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| Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me. |
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